Chapter 19

Jon is backstage in an office that he had them set up for him.  He needed a place to think and a place to write, a place to be alone. 

 

It was made known that he was to not be disturbed.  Everyone knew.  He's still struggling with how things went down with Olivia, and he's trying the to figure out the best way to talk to her, the best way to contact her to explain everything. 

She needs to know that Dorothea did know that there was another woman, but he never confessed that it was Olivia.  He knew how Dorothea would handle it, he knew that she would contact Olivia and make her life hell, which would ultimately end his relationship with Olivia, and that he did not want. 

In his office, he starts to compose an email, but his thoughts are all over the place.  He knows that he needs to make the set list, but that was the farthest thing from his mind.  He was in a mood to write and that took precedence today.  It's been too long that he hasn't had any communication with her and he needs to hear her voice.  But he knows that she won't talk to him.  He doesn't even know where she is, to call her - so email is the next best thing.

As he types her name at the top, he's taken back to the day that they met. 

 He was in a lot of pain from breaking his foot, but when he seen her, the pain eased and he was smitten by her, by her bedside manor and by the smile that lit up the room.  He remembers the way that she smelled, the way that he hair was falling out of her ponytail, a wisp here and a wisp there.  She was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen, and add in her scrubs and she was the sexiest he had ever seen.  

Deep in those thoughts, he leans back on the couch and continues with his train of thought.  He never hid that he was married, plus anyone that owned a TV or a  radio knew that he was married.  And over time, in the doctor patient relationship, she learned a lot about him and his family and vice versa.  She was the woman that he always seen himself with, not his high school sweetheart.

My sweet Liv,

Life has not been the same since you left me, I feel empty and hollow and I want to fix what is wrong.  I know you think that I hid things from you, but I didn't.  Dorothea knew that there was another woman, she just didn't know that it was you.  Had she known it was YOU, she may have acted out and made things tough for you, for us.  No one knows her like I do and I put nothing passed her.  She can be vindictive and she can be very hurtful.  I'm sorry that you think I kept this from her, from you.

Our contract has been shredded and all copies are too.  I am letting you out of it and I will not pursue legal action against you.  You didn't need to move out and you didn't need to leave the car, but I understand why you did.  Those were bought for you.  They were gifts and I was wrong to use them against you.  I just hated the thought of losing you and I grasped at what I could to try to keep you.  I see that was wrong and for that I am sorry.

I am going forward with my divorce, because there is no one that I want to be with, if it can't be you.  I'm better off alone than continually hurting Dorothea and my children.  I was truly hoping that you and I could have a life together.  There isn't anything that I want more. 

When you read this, if you read this - please call me.  I'm on the road doing a small tour.  Right now I'm on Boston, working my way west to play the video music awards.  Yay. You know me, I hate playing things like that.

I hope to hear from you soon, Liv.  I love you.  jon

When he finally finishes, after many corrections, addition sand deletions he's happy with what he wrote and was able to press send.  Once he had confirmation that they email was sent, he closed the laptop and looked at the pad of paper, that was waiting for him to pen a set list.  He had no interest in making one, but he needs too.  With his trusted sharpie, he starts to pen the set list of 23 songs when he is alerted by his computer, that he has new email.  The 'you got mail' was distinctive as well as irritating at most times, except this time. 

He flips open the laptop and clicks on the mail icon.  His heart beating practically out of his chest, his mouth getting dry from the increased blood pressure - he can't open the email fast enough.  When he sees that it's a reply from Olivia, before he opens it, he sits back on the couch and sets the laptop on his lap.  It's been about 10 minutes since he sent his email, her reply so quickly has him a little caught off guard. 

When it opens he sees that there is more than 5 words and that makes him sigh with relief.  In his mind, the 5 words or less would be bad, but a response that took time and thought made him smile.  Reading it, he can feel the thought of any hope leave his body.

Jon,

Thank you for your email.  I hope you have a great time on tour.  I know you hate those award shows, but they are what pay your bills.

I left the apartment and the car because they are not mine, nor could I look at them as mine.  To me, they are now payment for services and you have made me feel like a whore for the last time.  I don't care that your wife knows that you were cheating, it was important that she knew it was me, because now it looks to me like that's just one more instance where you are ashamed of me.  

I fell for you, and I fell hard - knowing that you were a married man with children.  Sure, it was fun at first, but then it got to be too tough.  You were never there when I needed you and vice versa.  We don't work anymore.  We have grown, in many direction and I really don't think that any of our roads cross now.  You have your family and I am embarking on a new and wonderful career.  I took at job in Salt Lake City and am looking forward to the fresh start. 

Thank you for everything, over the last couple of years and please know that I am sorry that we ended like this.  Be well Jon and smile often.  Kiss those kids as often as you can and know that someone out there loves you.  Loves you enough to let you go, knowing that they can't make you happy.

Livvy